Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
