Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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