He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
