worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
