my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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