Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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