listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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