I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
