i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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