Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
