i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Mom said you looked used
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dicks are not precious.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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