don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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