it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
