in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
