he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
