so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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