READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
