The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
