I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
