Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Enjoy the penises
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
