at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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