I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize