I wish I only lived at night.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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