Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
