I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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