Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
