and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
