The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
