I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
