I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
