..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
