I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
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Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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