you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
