The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
