honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
