oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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