Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
