She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
