I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
