shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
