Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
