His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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