Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
