He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
