he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
