I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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