No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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