Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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