i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
