i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
