woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
