Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
