DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
