i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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