I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
