I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
