i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
