you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
