NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
