don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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