She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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