Only a mothe r could love this liver
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
