After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
