highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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