I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
