Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
