I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Bring me that man meat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
