Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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